I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
