you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
