One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
