I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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