considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
