Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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