I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
