Heybabeimwearingurpanties
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
