I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
