These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
