We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize