Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
