also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
