thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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