The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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