that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
