remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm bleeding and have questions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
