I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
