the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
