just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Enjoy the penises
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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