if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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