I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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