it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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