I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
