i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
