so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
