oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
