Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
