Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
