yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
