the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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