he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
