they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
