I think im going to throw up on grandma
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
