The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
tell me about the eggs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
