The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
