but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
false alarm. still invincible.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
