judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
