I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
