I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have feelings that need drinking.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
