I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
