weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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