You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
