Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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