can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
