I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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