Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
