Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
