i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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