I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
