My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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