you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
