don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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