Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
