Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
