I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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