I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
FUCK WHALES
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