Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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