I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
