he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
