shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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