I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
