i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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