I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
