He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
