Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
