THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
