1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
