they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize