I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
