Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's always time for handjobs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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