he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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