Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
