Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
