the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
