I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Holy shit dude........stairs
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