maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
