i already hear my dad disowning me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I forget how to act sober
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
