I'm gonna have a badass scar
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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