He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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