so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize