i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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