Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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