He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
