I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
