OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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