I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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