Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
