I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
