good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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