Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
