And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
