One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
