I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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