gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
