You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
