I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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