There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
