Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
